life and stuff

Well, it's been a crazy couple of days. Emma has had 4 days of preschool already! She seems to really enjoy it a lot. The one security guard already knows her. He says hi as soon as we walk in. He calls her his little M&M. I'm not sure if that's creepy or just fun. We'll go with fun though! Emma and Alex are on a new schedule. Emma goes to bed early and wakes up between 5:30 AM and 6 AM. She watches Mickey while I get her ready. Alex usually gets up while I'm getting her ready. The plus side is, early bedtime.

So Saturday was an adventure. My dad came over to help fix our dryer. The belt broke so the drum wasn't spinning. My dad took the dryer apart to find out the belt had broken. We then ventured up to Lowe's to get a new one. It wasn't too bad of a fix. Just annoying. I tested it out today. It works! Yeah!!

Sunday night, Joey, Kayla, and I spent some time together and played some games. We tried out this game called Uno Tiki Twist. It was a new twist to a classic game. We had a blast playing it. We can't wait to play it again. We're going to try and have more game nights. We have to build up our board game collection again though. I want to get Sorry. Also some matching games for Emma. I also need a new Monopoly because it's missing all the $1 bills. No clue what happened. Card games sound fun too. We used to play Skip-Bo a lot. That was always a fun one.

Last night, we spent 3 hours in the ER at rainbows. Alex's right index finger was all swollen up. I originally went to urgicare but they said it looked infected and to go to the ER. So that's what I did. Let me tell you how angry I was to sit up there all that time for the doctor to just give us Benedryl!!! I could've did that at home. The urgicare doctor could've done the same. I was just so mad.

Alex slept basically the entire time we were up there. I was so glad when we finally go home. I dropped my bag on the floor, put Alex in his bed and climbed right into my bed. I went to sleep immediately. We got home at 12:30. I had to be up at 6. I'm somehow still functioning right now on that little bit of sleep.

I got a call a little bit ago about Kayla's MRI tomorrow. The MRI is at 10:30. We have to be there at 8:30 though to get her all settled in and make sure the contrast has time to get through her body and what not. It's funny. I wasn't nervous at all about this appointment until I got that phone call. Now I got the butterflies in my stomach. The purpose of this MRI is to check her butt bump as I have been calling it. Right above her butt crack, she has what looks like really dry skin that needs lots of lotion. Her doctor told us it's called a skin lipoma. It could be the very mild case of Spina Bifida where you don't even know you have it. When I had asked her original doctors at Metro, I was told it's just dry skin. They sent us home with hydrocortisone cream. Finally at 8 years old I switch her doctor and we find this out. Hopefully by next week we have answers from the MRI. Hell maybe tomorrow we'll have some answers. It just annoys me that Metro couldn't figure this out. I could've taken more precautions with Emma and starting vitamins sooner. That's life though.

Now I'd like to back up to Saturday. Saturday was a pretty rough evening for us. Joey and I had a pretty bad argument resulting in him leaving for the evening and not coming home until Sunday afternoon. Yes, I kept pretty quiet about this. All sorts of emotions ran through my head but I needed to be brave for my kids. Kayla was a complete wreck and didn't understand what was going on. I tried explaining the best I could. I spent a lot of time with her just hanging out and talking. I told her to let me know if anything was bothering her. Sunday morning she had a huge temper tantrum again and trashed her room.

To me, that is trashed. She was hurting so bad. She went into my room and sat by the window crying. She just wanted her daddy home. I texted him a little after that episode and told him we need to talk things out  because Kayla wasn't handling things well. So we did. We talked. Now you're probably wondering what the heck kind of argument lead to all this. Well, I'm the type of person who lets stress and anxiety build and build until I explode on the wrong person. It's awful, I know. This time I let it out on Joey. He had had enough of me doing this and walked out. He said when I go back to my doctor in a couple of weeks that I need to get on something for my anxiety. I agree with him on that aspect. I do need something to calm me down at times. My life is just a huge ball of stress. I bottle everything in until I break. It either ends up with me screaming and yelling or crying so badly. Sometimes it's both. A lot of people don't like to talk about stuff like this because they worry what people will think. My anxiety leads to depression at times and it leads to anger. There are times I do get pretty low and just want to die. I can't though. I can't die. No one will be here to take care of the kids then. Yes I realize Joey is here, but I feel like no one would be here for them. The kids need us both. For them to have us both, I need to work on getting me better. Joey and I need to work on our communication skills. We just gotta work at us. 10 years together. We can't throw it all out the window.