I saw you again...

 I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes because for the first time in almost 9 months, I saw you in my dream. We didn't get to speak because i was walking down some stairs to head into another room, but you were sitting on a couch. For some reason your legs were in some black leg braces, which was weird to me. On top of seeing you, I saw Pa(Grandpa) in my dreams as well. I didn't get to speak with him either. It hurt we didn't get to talk, but it was good to see you again. I do nothing but cry still. I wish I could stop the pain, but I can't. I've always heard it gets easier as time passes but it hasn't gotten any easier. These past months I've been doing anything and everything to keep my mind busy but the moment I step into my van, I just listen to music and cry. Sometimes I'll sit at the pc and cry. I know you wouldn't want me crying over you but it's hard. The positive things going for me right now are that for some reason people find me hilarious on Twitch. I've slowly been growing. You'd probably laugh at all the stupid shit I do. I keep chugging along and growing my little community. The kids keep doing stupid shit that would make you laugh. Brianna is sitting next to me and she just said "Dicks" so I'm doing this parenting thing well I guess. I've gained some "family" over these months as well. People who I consider brothers and sisters who have helped me so much threw all of this. They let me vent to them if necessary or we just sit around and hang on the video games. I still wish I understood why you did what you did, but I don't think I ever will. I love you and miss you a lot and will keep on trucking through life the best I can.