I thought things were going good

Well, I'm here so that must mean something is bothering me enough to want to share. How did my summer go you ask? Well, my daughter got surgery. She did amazing and had the cast for a month. I had to carry her when she needed to get moved around. She's slowly getting back on her feet. She uses her walker at home.

Here's a pic of her in the cast. Getting the cast off was a fun adventure. Took the nurse a few minutes because it was not wanting to come off at all.

This is a pic right after. She had pins in her foot that got removed. Her foot is all healed up now. As I said above, she is using her walker to get around the house. At school she has been using a wheelchair but the school nurse decided to call and bitch about that one today. I get she needs to be up more to get muscles working but I'm not trying to exhaust the girl so quickly. So Monday I will be sending her to school with her walker. I better hear that they give her ample time for walking around the building or I will fight someone.

What else is going on in my life? The kids are back in school for the year. So during the day it's just me and the baby. I say baby even though she's 3. She is the baby though so yeah. She has to go for some testing because it's looking as if she may have Autism or some form of it. The testing will give us answers. I also need to get her going with some speech therapy and occupational therapy. Lots of fun stuff with her during the next year I'm sure.

How is my streaming going? I've moved stream down to one day a week and it's been going great for me honestly. I have also cut Battle Royale games from my streams. Been doing a lot of Single player story type games. The last few games have been horror games. Everyone seems to love a good jump scare from me. Definitely been boosting the views which has been fun seeing myself grow little by little. Baby Steps.

Now I say streams have been going good and they have, until I get screamed at for stuff happening in chat. Now if you know me, you know I've had a gutter brain since middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL. This is nothing new to people. Does gutter brain come out on stream? Fuck yeah it does. So if you come in my stream and people happen to be using the word dildo, it's because i said something. Does it carry on the whole stream? No. We move on after a minute or so. Everyone uses sexual innuendos. It's just how times are these days. If you come in my stream and tell me the streamer to chill out, I'm gonna say something. I don't care who you are. Yes me and hubby got into it because I had complete control of MY stream and he flips out on a few people. I'm like yes we talked about dildos because there was an object in the game I was playing that looked like one. Did we talk about it the rest of stream? Nope. We didn't. After a minute or two, everyone went back to trying to help me out because I was stuck on a part for like 40 minutes. (I now have PTSD over mannequins)

But yelling at me about something as dumb as that is ridiculous. Then to top it off, today's argument was really stupid. I'm not a fan of those huge paranormal shows on TV because I feel like they do stuff at times for the views. Well a friend of mine does Paranormal investigations and has posted stuff on YouTube. Check out Zero! He has a fucking shit fit because I will jump to watch a friend doing this but won't watch the stuff on TV with him. I tried explaining that I think the stuff on TV is fake and he's like well how do you know his stuff isn't fake? Um, I sat in voice chat with him and watched him edit the fucking video! As always though I'm in the wrong. 

I've done nothing but cuddle with my new Squishmallow today because I just need all the squishes. Is it helping? A little. Have I cried? Absolutely. Am I tired of crying? Yeah. We've had a good few months and here we are again. Torn down and beat up.(not literally) Can we also talk about the fact that "Thunder Rolls" just started playing as I started typing this paragraph. Crazy how our playlists know us. 

On a final note before I end this post, if you're in The Basement discord or even my own discord server, if I'm in a VC and not talking, I'm having a rough day and just want to listen to others talk. I don't want to talk or even start crying, but just be happy to be around friends that make me smile. Love you all and until next time!

  

Why do I do this to myself?

 Well here I am. Something stupid must have happened in my life again for me to be here to tell you guys about it. Well it did so, that's what I plan on doing. 

 Saturday I had planned a month before hand on going out to lunch with my bestie for her birthday. It ended up turning into me going with 2 of my besties since their birthdays are just 2 days apart. Originally we planned on going to McAlister's Deli and i was going to surprise them and pay for it. Well, I got there and bestie texts and says "hey, Brian is treating, you wanna go somewhere else?" I'm like "it's your birthday, you pick." So we ended up going to B.J's Steakhouse. Very good food! Highly recommend. Well I was in a mood that day already because I had found out an old friend had passed away a few years back. So I'm like fuck it! I'm gonna drink. I had ONE margarita....okay, I'll be realistic. I had 1/4th of a margarita, but I'm a suuuuuuuuper lightweight and yeah. So we ate our food and drank our drinks. After that we went to the mall, TJ MAXX, 5 Below and Burlington. Well we ended up being out from 2 until 730. I got home at 8.

 Well with me being out alll day long like that, apparently it means I was out with more than just my friends. I was questioned who all I was with. I was furious when I was asked this. I'm like I was with my girls and my girls only. Then he decided my girls boyfriend was with us because he had paid for the food. I'm like he wasn't. Not even sure why that would matter. So the long and short of the situation is, he thinks I was out cheating because I was out as long as I was. 

 I've been pissed off and angry for the past 24 hours. He's been childish and not speaking to me because who the hell even knows. I've avoided doing things while he's home because hey, might get accused of cheating again. So now it seems I cant even hang out with my girls without getting accused of shit. I guess I'm just destined to be stuck in the house forever and play house wife.

 

I feel like Cinderella and hell even Belle at times....Stockholm Syndrome. I can't leave because I have no family to take me and 4 kids in. My mother currently lives with us and she would be the only one I would go to. I can't go out and get a job because no one to watch the kids. I'm trying to make money doing the twitch thing, but I can never enjoy myself when I stream anymore. I've buried myself in my PC playing Sims because it's the only enjoyment I get anymore. Can't be trusted anymore with anything......just let the depression go even further in.

 

Why?

 I wish I could understand why these things keep happening. I meet great people and then shit hits the fan and I have to pull myself from everyone. This whole year has been a fucking shit show. Yeah I may never meet these people in real life but with a pandemic going on, they've become "family" to me. It showed me that there are fun crazy people like me in this world. I feel like I'm just never allowed to be a part of something good anymore. Now my depression is kicked in worse than what it was. It's going to get to the point of shutting everyone I know out. All the fun I've had over the months, will be gone. I'll go back to that person that would do nothing but sit and watch TV. I don't want that to be me again. Doing what I was doing 3 times a week gave me something to look forward to. The way things are now, I'm not going to have that anymore because fuck my happiness. It all comes down to one thing...jealousy. He's jealous because I got into an amazing community and he's pissed because he was the one who wanted to be the streamer. He's mad I got affiliate. He's mad I'm doing what he wanted to do. He can say he's not jealous all he wants but he is. So now I get screwed out of being a part of great communities because now I'll never be comfortable doing community stuff with them because he'll be in the background making snarky fucking comments and making me uncomfortable. 

So here's the background story for those of you reading with great confusion. I was doing the Mod thing on Monday night in a friends stream. He planned on playing Call of Duty and i generally play with him if there's room and my kids are behaving. Well lucky me, the two noisy kids were asleep. So I'm like yeah, I can hop on. Another member of the community saw I was already on and waiting in my own lobby for a moment and asked if he could join me. I said I'm going to be joining my friend who was streaming. I then notice after typing that in stream chat that the guy had messaged me on Discord asking if he could join me again. Then I flip my monitor over to the game screen and see he's messaged me on game chat asking to join. I'm like what the fuck? I told him no. I brought to the attention of other Mods. I had already been having a bad day and was annoyed, frustrated at this point and just shaking with anger to the point of I started crying. All he had asked was "hey, can I join?" 3 times on 3 different platforms even though I had told him I was already playing with the streamer. I don't think that qualifies as harassment, but I'm not a lawyer. I can't ever win arguments in my household so I was wrong no matter what I said. 

The depression is even getting to a point of telling me to just give up with streaming. That's how low I've been feeling this week. I can't take the stress with everything anymore and I just don't know what to do. I've left the community I enjoyed a lot. Did I want to? No. I enjoy everyone's company. I just don't know what to do at this point. Can't even sit here and write a Blog in peace because it's..."who are you writing to?" "You have to be writing to someone being that long." I just fucking give up......... 

I hate Birthdays.......

 Yesterday was my birthday. Normal people would know it's their birthday because it's their special day. They get to have a good day filled with happiness. My day was filled with nothing but tears and being miserable. I had a few good moments, but mostly I dealt with tears and stress. I'm still dealing with the same tears and stress as yesterday. I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm constantly being talked down upon. And if you think I'm exaggerating, let me post a video for you all.....

That's the reality of my life this past year. It sucks. Then I get talked down on when I try doing anything to hang out with my video game friends. I'm not allowed to hang with most of them because they are male. I only run into issues when I decide to hang with the opposite sex. We are only sitting there playing video games. Nothing else is being done. So why do I get treated this way? I just want to have one stream go perfectly. The last month I think I've not had one stream without a fight breaking out like that. Today's argument was the same as always. I'm like we play well together. That's why the 4 of us play together. Video game time is my time to get away from the world. 

This past year has sucked and I need some kind of escape from reality. I hate sitting and watching TV in my own living room because our furniture is beyond fucked up. When I get new furniture then maybe I'll spend a little more time in my living room. For now though, I'll sit in my corner in the dining room. My corner where I can keep an eye on two kids while they do school work during the day. It's been my corner for almost a year now. Almost like Rapunzel's tower. I'm tired of doing online school and I have no other fucking options to relieve some of my stress. The superintendent won't send the kids back until the staff is vaccinated. My mentality can't take this shit anymore. I know I'm not alone in all of this and there are so many parents who feel the same way. It's fucking exhausting trying to teach these kids at home. I'm trying to deal with 3 grade levels and I just fucking can't.

My whole house life has fallen apart this past year because I just can't do shit anymore. Laundry gets done when it fucking gets done. Dishes get done if they're lucky. Yeah, shit has gotten that bad. Is my house clean? God fucking no. If I had it my way, I would put everything on the curb and toss it. If I was a drug head, a needle would have gone in my arm by now. I feel like drinking my self to death, but then I would be my father. I don't want that. I want to be better than that and I am trying to do better for myself. 

In October I made affiliate on Twitch which means I can earn money. Lately though I just can't seem to get shit going because of these fights breaking out while I'm on stream. I know this is a journey that will take time and won't happen over night. I fully accept that, but when new people come in and see me feeling down and not my bubbly self, then I lose out on someone sticking around. I have friends who are good players and that's why I choose to play with them. Then that circles back around to the fights though. It sucks.

If the weather was warmer, I would start going on walks or jogs to get out of the house. That's been the biggest issue this past year. Being stuck in the house because of fucking Covid. That's a goal I want to set for myself. When the weather gets warmer, I want to take walks or runs. Let my music blast in my ears and just get away from it all! I think that would help me out a lot. 

As for my birthday.....I didn't get a nice dinner or even a cake. I guess I just wasn't good enough to deserve that after everything I do for this family. I wanted one nice day for myself and couldn't get that. 

I literally don't even know what the topic is for this post. It was just me rambling. I'm sorry for rambling. I needed to get things off my chest. At this point I just want to sleep for days on end and not wake up or stay awake and not go to sleep so I can just be alone. I can't do anything alone. I stay up as late as I can and I still don't get that alone time because I'm constantly being watched and monitored like a fucking child. Just give me my peace and quiet. Give me my alone time........

Take a glimpse into my life

 So I'm gonna deep dive into my life with this post. I don't do that a lot anymore because in my head, I have decided that no one will care because everyone else is going through the same thing. I don't talk about things because my self esteem is so low anymore about myself. I have a lot of thoughts running through my head and it's going to sound like I'm rambling in this post, but I'll try to gather my thoughts in an organized way.

I'm so emotionally drained with my life right now that I don't even know how to feel anymore. Crying used to help me get everything out but when you cry too much, it just doesn't help anymore. The pandemic has broken me as a human being. I've done the whole staying inside and I understand I'm not the only one going through this but for someone like me who has problems with depression and all, it's been beyond hard. Being confined all the time is awful. Yeah I get out to the grocery store, but that has been my extent of going out since March. Yeah I've had a few times where I did get out a little more, but not really. I have lost any kind of emotion or anything towards anyone. I've deep dived into my emotions so much that I shut everyone out and it's getting worse and worse by the day. I would rather sit and be in my thoughts all day long. I push everyone away and don't even care at this point. I would sleep all day if I had the choice. My sleep is so beyond fucked up. Sleep half the day away and stay up all night. 

The kids have been at each other's throats and I feel like I'm failing as a parent. Every day it's something different with them. My 11 year old wrote on her homework that she wanted to hang herself. It was a cry for attention. So that made me feel like a failure. When I vent on Facebook about struggling with the kids at times, people joke and say "well you shouldn't have had so many." Well guess what? I never expected to be living life through a fucking pandemic. Don't tell me what to do with my life and how many kids I should or shouldn't have. Yeah, I'm struggling with the online learning. I know all of us parents are. It's been hard these months. Hell, we're all still having issues with it. When I do have the good days, I'm so happy inside because we don't get those days a lot with online learning. I hope at some point the kids can go back and have some kind of normalcy.

Another reason I shut friends out is the controlling issues I'm dealing with. (Yeah, we're about to deep dive hard now) My gamer family knows that I have to answer who I play with at all times. I'm constantly questioned when gaming online and I seem to never be allowed to play on my own. When I'm watching a friend stream, I can't even seem to be in their stream without being followed in and monitored on what the hell I say in chat. I feel like a fucking prisoner and I can't say anything because I don't want a fight breaking out. I am being controlled and mentally abused and I have no where to go. This is why I am the way I am sometimes when we game guys. I am being monitored by everything I do and it's fucking awful. Sometimes you hear him in the background yelling and going on like he normally does, but it's fucking awful. I hate it. I'm literally making myself sick writing this because it's a harsh realization what I'm going through. I get screamed at when I play with my gaming friends and have more fun with them. So I hate having fun anymore. So if I was ever in your stream and I went from being silly and crazy to completely quiet, then you know why. I was being yelled at for being fun me. When that happens, my self esteem drops a crap ton. 

I'm an awful person if I don't stick up for him and let others talk shit. Why the fuck should I stick up for you when you control me and mentally abuse me? Explain that to me. I'm not going to stick up for someone treating me like crap. I wish he would see it through my eyes how he was treating me but he doesn't. He thinks he's acting perfectly fine and normal. 

I sit at my PC and write if I'm not on Xbox. I sit and write about girls and guys getting out of relationships and finding that perfect someone. I don't publish my writings anywhere because again, I don't think it's good enough. I've put one story out on a website. Sure it still gets looked at a few times a month but I still don't think it's good enough. 

I've actually emotionally exhausted myself with writing this and just want to go back to sleep. If you've taken the time to read this, thank you. It means a lot. Maybe I'll get back to my old self at some point. Until then, just a life of being worried about saying the wrong thing and messing up as I always do......  

Emotionally Drained

So we're starting our 4th week of social distancing. Emotionally, this has been something really hard, but I know it's the best thing to do right now for everyone. Yeah, I'm someone who listens to the guidelines. I stay home unless I need to go out for groceries. I want this over with and done quickly. The jokes online about how introverts are fine during this isolation period because we're used to it. Well guess what, I'm an introvert and I'm not having an easy time during this. I spend a couple of days a week just crying. I listen to music to try and mellow out but it makes me cry even more. All I want to do is sleep, but I can't because I have 4 kids I need to care for and make sure that they are okay. I scream and yell every day because I don't know how to deal with this. I realize none of us do and I'm not asking for sympathy. I try not watching stuff online because it makes my anxiety worse but then I'm isolating even more. You can't get away from any of it. I play video games to de-stress and we all always end up talking about it because it's the only thing to talk about.

 Alcohol sales in my state have gone up. Honestly, I'm sure that's every state. Have I been drinking more? I have been. I don't drink anything hard. I drink freaking Smirnoff. I drink one and I'm done, but when you find yourself buying more, it's not good. I used to drink maybe once a year. Now I'm drinking 2-3 times a week! I get to my breaking point and I go to the fridge to grab a bottle. There's that Meme on Facebook going around, I forget what the first option is, but the second is coming out of this an alcoholic. I joke and say yup. I'm coming out an alcoholic. I had always told myself I didn't want to drink ever or get out of hand with it because I've seen what the long term effects can do to a person. This is one of the only things helping me cope right now. I have a bottle sitting next to me. I haven't opened it yet. It's just sitting there. We had a fight again.....

Today's argument is me staying up late the past couple of nights. It means I'm doing things I shouldn't be doing. I'm on Xbox playing with friends I have known for 17 years!!! We actually sat and did the math last night because we had talked about it, but when I stay up late, it means I'm being stupid and yeah. I act different according to him. I talk quietly so he can't hear. No, I was talking quite loudly the past couple of days and if I do get quiet, it's because I'm in concentration mode on the game we're playing. Everything I do is put under the microscope though. I'm only allowed to play with a few certain people it seems like. You might ask if we have all these issues pertaining to the Xbox, then why don't I just get rid of it or stay off of it? It's my escape. I've always loved video games. I shouldn't have to give up something I love doing when I'm not even doing anything wrong. I hate that he always thinks I am though. Trust is never going to be given back. I'm tired of standing up for myself when I wasn't doing anything wrong over the weekend. I'm getting my quiet time that I don't get anymore. Am I cranky in the morning from staying up late? Sure, but I still get up before him when I went to bed last and get up with Brianna! So what does that say about me? I tried laying down today an hour after Brianna laid down. I said "Hey, could you keep an ear out for her so I can take a nap?" "Sure." I lay down and not long after, Brianna wakes up. I lay in bed with my eyes closed for 15-20 minutes. She fussed and cried. Never came to grab her. So I got up and didn't bother with my nap. If I want to stay up late to veg out, then fucking let me! It's my time to have sanity.

Yes I bitch and complain about MY kids. How I need space from them at times and need to regain my sanity. I say how I miss my alone time when I didn't have kids. I'm allowed to say stuff like that. Yes I understand I made my choice having 4 kids, but for fucks sake, let me say whatever I fucking want! No, I wouldn't change having them, but of course I'm going to miss my days of freedom. Any person would say the same. Ask any mom out there. They would agree with me. Let us have our jokes on Facebook about missing alone time. In the long run, we wouldn't change having our kids because we love them to death, even though they drive us bat shit crazy. Days when they had school, while they were gone was my alone time. I don't get that time right now because we're all home. I'm trying to keep them entertained and so much more and I've hit my breaking point a lot of times in the past 3 weeks. Again though, I wouldn't change having them. I do love them. Let me bitch about them though. Don't put me down for stupid shit.

So before I go, I leave you with a little bit of funny. We all need to smile when we can because otherwise, we'll end up crying in a corner for days on end. Pull yourself up and out of that bad mood. Take a walk. Take a drive. Advice I should be taking as well. 

Oops, it's been awhile.

So first off, I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has started following me! I'm like wow, people are following me and I haven't typed up a blog since last June. Almost a year, but with everything going on, I decided I needed to write a post. What have we been doing in our household you ask? Well, I'll start with an update on the kids.....

Kayla had started 5th grade this year! It was a big year for us because I realized this would probably be the last year she had class parties for holidays and what not since next year she'd be in middle school. She had some struggles with some things but we got through it and she kept working at it and finally figured it out. Math....this new crap they are teaching the kids sucks! You moms know what I'm talking about.
Emma started Kindergarten this year! I was so excited for this year for her because it's a big year. She would start writing more and learning to read!(sometimes a dangerous thing for us moms when we don't want them knowing what something says) At the middle of the school year around Christmas time she did bring home a letter stating she was behind in her reading, but I was also told a lot of the kids were. The unfortunate circumstances of living in a city with a lot of under privileged kids. I have been working with her when I can. She can read. I've seen her read stuff. Sometimes she just acts lazy and doesn't want to do the work after a long day of school, which I don't blame her at all. She also did have a month(November I believe) where her and Alex were trading sickness back and forth so she missed almost a month of school being medically fragile and her immune system is a little slower.
Alex started Pre-K this year! The first week at drop off was rough. He would cry for me after I walked away, but I kept walking. I had to. He needed to start his learning this year. He struggled some with using the potty at school because it was different for him. It's hard to explain, but he did eventually get the hang of things and he was doing amazingly at last report card check. There's only a couple of things he doesn't know or still struggles with. I'm really proud of how well he was doing.
And finally Brianna. My little troublemaker. She will be 2 in June! This past year she had tear duct surgery because of a blocked tear duct. That surgery literally took 5 minutes. I'm not exaggerating either. At her 18 month check up, her doctor was concerned at the fact that she wasn't talking like other kids her age. Well we also were still on a binki. After that appointment, we tossed binks because she was chewing on them anyways. So we didn't want her choking on them. It was a rough couple of weeks, but she got used to it and is now content without her bink. Yes there are days she just wants cuddles, but that's okay. I don't mind. We cuddle and watch PlutoTV. She loves watching the old Nick Jr shows on there like Blue's Clues, Wallykazam, Fresh Beat Band, and of course Dora. She dances along with them and has fun. She has all her teeth except her molars(I'm not even trying to check) This past week she had a double ear infection and I don't recommend having to put ear drops in a 1 year olds ears. It's a chore.

Onto this past year in my relationship. It has truly been the hardest year of all for us because of mistakes I made. Yes, I said I made mistakes. Instead of talking through things, I decided to be stupid. I made the mistake of talking with someone I had met on Xbox. He lived in a different state, but we both had sent pictures. Joey and I had gotten into a heated argument one day and I let the cat out of the bag about the other guy I was talking with. Joey did leave for a night and left me with the kids. During that night, I didn't have time to process what had happened so I just continued going on with life as I normally did. I got the kids to school and spent time with Brianna during the day. That's all I could do. When he came back home, we talked. Are we back to 100% yet? No. I don't think we ever will be because of broken trust that I caused. I was unhappy in a relationship and chose to be stupid. I was unhappy because Joey was doing so much job jumping. I just wanted one thing in my life to make me smile besides my kids. Am I proud of what I did? No,because these past months since August have been so hard with fighting a lot more and getting emotionally drained. It's been hard but we want to keep trying because on April 26th will be 13 years for us. I don't want to throw away 13 years. He's a good guy when we have a routine of work going along with helping around the house. The routine lately though is gone.

Which brings me to why the routine is gone. We all know why it's gone. Covid-19 or Coronavirus. I live in Cleveland, Ohio. Governor Dewine is doing an incredible job handling this all along with Dr. Acton and Lt. Governor Husted. We get daily press conferences at 2 o clock. Some of you may have seen on twitter #WinewithDewine. Us Ohioans have a crazy sense of humor and have also made up the Dewine bingo game. Hey, we gotta have some humor and fun during this. Cleveland schools are just not doing good with this though. The kids were sent home with packets on their last day of school on March 13th. My kids finished the packets in a week. More stuff is hopefully coming home mid April. They don't have online learning with their peers like some cities I have heard doing, which sucks. I understand it's a new learning experience for us all, but I hope Cleveland gets a better handle on things. My kids are missing out on learning this year. I did take the initiative and downloaded ABC mouse Alex and Emma love it! Thankfully! The downside is when they act up, their tablets get taken away, which means no ABC Mouse. Alex misses the routine of school and his friends. Emma misses her friends. Kayla says she doesn't care but the last day of school, she hugged her teachers goodbye, so I know it's been hard on her too. They are saying this could last the length of summer. We haven't fully shut down school for the year. As of today, we're scheduled to go back the first week of May. You and I know it'll be shut down for the year. We're not dumb. Ohio is supposed to peak the end of April, beginning of May. I never thought in my entire life i would live to see something like this.
How have we been keeping busy you ask? Um, homework that is all done, ABC Mouse, playing with action figures and dollies, tablet time, video games, and catching up on movies.

We watched Chapter 1 and 2 of the It reboot over the past week. Oh my God! It was amazingly done! I liked it a lot! I think Chapter 2 was better in my opinion. I'd say if you have the chance to watch it then do it, but I know almost all of us have the time.

We also watched Joker before all the stay at home stuff started. Wow. Another amazing movie! I think this was the 2nd best Joker in my opinion. Jack Nicholson will always be my fave Joker. Also, give this one a watch!

Come on. You guys knew it was coming. Who hasn't watched this in the entire world yet? What a cluster fuck of oh my God during this 7 episode Netflix documentary. It was a train wreck that you couldn't stop watching. It just kept going "Hold my beer!" and would give you another WTF moment. I don't know if any of the big late night guys have done any interviews but I do know that David Spade interviewed Rick(the director guy) Here's the link to watch it. Lights Out with David Spade
Just look for the interview with Rick Kirkham. He says there was so much more we didn't see and even shares a story of something that was not shown on the documentary.
Other movies we want to watch while being quarantined are the new Sonic the Hedgehog and Onward. Tomorrow we will be watching Onward on Disney+.

One other thing I have been doing during these past months is writing. I have always loved writing. I'm no J.K Rowling though. I've wrote a few things over the months, but have only really liked the way one of them came out. I am more than happy to share it with you guys. If you have a kindle fire, I am able to share it on there. I feel it's easier to read on there. I do also have it posted on a website. I don't like the way the format is on the website though. I will still post a link for you guys though. If I'm being real, it's 72 pages long.....so it's not a quick read. If you do want me to send it to you VIA kindle, then shoot me your kindle email address and I'll send it on over. Here's the link! Brothers

I feel like I could keep typing about everything going on, but I want to save something to chat about for the weekend. So I hope you all are keeping safe out there and social distancing. I wish you well and talk with you all soon!