Well as you can see from the title, I am exhausted lately. I've hit a huge slump and nothing makes me happy anymore. I do stuff that has always made me happy and not even that works right now. I want to sleep 24/7 but that is not doable considering I am Mom and Mom can't do that. Mom has to mom. I try hyping myself up to get through the day, and I do get through it.
Yesterday I had been hyping myself up all week knowing I was gonna get to sit and play catch up on TV shows with hubby. He seemed like he didn't even want to be sitting with me and watching our usual shows. He just seemed pissy and angry. I get excited when I get to watch stuff that I enjoy. He complains we don't do anything together and then when we do, well, he gets like that. Him being like that causes me to get in a slump then.
I sit and write when I can and the past week I haven't wanted to write at all. I get the stuff written that I want to get it down and all, but then I stop and just sit and stare at the computer monitor. My house is slowly falling apart too. The kitchen is a disaster and I have no fucking will or energy to clean it. I forced myself to do laundry yesterday. I still have like a load or two to go which isn't awful, but getting the energy to do it sucks.
I sat with my daughter one day this week to talk about stuff going on in her life and it instantly drained all of my energy. When I have any type of conversation thats serious and needs done, my energy just poofs away. I wish people understood this. Just talking about stuff that bothers me is mentally draining and then being pushed to talk about it at times just makes the drainage worse. I'm exhausted just writing any of this. That's how bad it's gotten.
Some people think that when the depression is this bad, just to end it. Have I thought about that? Yeah, I have, but then what does that solve? I leave family and friends wondering why? And sad and depressed because I'm gone. That's not fair to do that to anyone. I don't want to leave my kids wondering why mommy was so down that she had to do that.
So I think for right now I keep trying to do things that make me happy to see if I can get my happiness back. List of things that make me happy.....
- Gaming
- writing
- going out and spending time with the kids
- watching my shows
Those are a few things that keep me going. Also, it's the start of the holiday seasons starting. I hate the holidays anymore. I'm hoping this year I can get away with just getting the kids a couple of things. I don't wanna go overboard with crap they won't use anymore. All they do is sit on electronics. I'll get them Roblox cards and they can do whatever with them.
So I mentioned about watching my shows before. You ask, hmm...what does Sparrow like to watch? Well we watch Law and Order SVU and Law and Order Organized Crime.
Chris Rock did a very good job with the role he played in the movie. Would it be one of the Saw movies I say was amazing? No. I wouldn't. The best will always be the very first one. Nothing will ever top that one in my eyes.